Dealing with erectile dysfunction in a new relationship? These 8 tips can help

Dealing with erectile dysfunction (ED) in a new relationship can be frustrating and confusing for both partners. Attraction may be high, but so can stress and performance anxiety, which are notorious for interfering with your ability to get and stay hard.

The good news? ED is common — impacting an estimated 150 million men globally — and it’s highly treatable. When psychological factors like performance anxiety play a role, it may even be temporary.  

Ahead, we’ll share practical tips for dealing with ED in a new relationship, from lifestyle changes to medication, so that you can move forward with confidence both in and out of the bedroom. 

If you’re having trouble getting or maintaining an erection in a new relationship, don’t take it as a sign from the universe that your match isn’t meant to be. There are things you can do to improve sexual performance and function and feel more confident. 

The first step, though often the hardest, is simply talking about it.   

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1. Talk to your partner

Finding the right time or the right words to discuss ED with your partner can be a challenge. But silently hoping the problem will go away can only make matters worse. 

Choosing a low-pressure moment (ideally outside of the bedroom) and talking about how you feel rather than what’s wrong can make the conversation easier to start. Being vulnerable with your partner and letting them know what’s going on can also do more than put your minds at ease. 

Research shows that open communication can reduce psychological factors, such as performance anxiety, that can contribute to ED in the first place.  

2. Rule out medical causes 

You can become a master communicator in your relationship, but words can only accomplish so much if there’s a medical reason behind your erectile issues. That’s why it’s important to rule out underlying medical or mental health factors by consulting a healthcare provider.

ED can be the first sign of numerous health problems, including heart disease, diabetes, low testosterone, or even some neurological disorders. 

ED can also be linked to mental health issues like depression or chronic stress. Studies show the relationship is bidirectional: Depression can increase the risk of ED, and ED can worsen depression. This can create a vicious cycle of anxiety, reduced sexual confidence, and sex avoidance. To further complicate the matter, ED can also be a  side effect of medications that are used to treat depression or anxiety, too. 

Checking in with a healthcare provider — whether in person or virtually (such as through Ro) — can help you figure out what may be going on and guide potential ED treatment.

3. Practice stress-reduction or relaxation techniques

New relationships are exciting, but they can also come with high expectations. Maybe you feel pressure to rock your partner’s world. Or perhaps you’re holding back what you like (and dislike) in the bedroom for fear of being judged. This self-consciousness can pull your focus inward, leaving you stuck in your head instead of present in your body.

Research suggests that when stress and self-monitoring take over, the body’s stress response can hijack your arousal. Meaning, it can be hard to get and keep an erection. 

Thankfully, certain stress-reduction and relaxation techniques can help calm that response and shift your attention back to physical sensation rather than performance.

Relaxation techniques for sexual performance anxiety commonly include: 

• Deep breathing exercises to help calm the stress response

• Positive self-talk to reduce negative thoughts and self-monitoring

• Meditation or mindfulness practices that bring attention back to physical sensations

• Progressive muscle relaxation to release physical tension

• Mindful focus on non-genital sensual touch

4. Find other ways to be intimate

If penetrative sex isn’t happening, consider other forms of intimacy. This can take pressure off performance and still make for a satisfying experience, no erection required. 

Just take it from research: A scientific review found that shifting away from a mindset that prioritizes achieving orgasm or penetration, and instead toward one that focuses on goals like shared sensation, connection, and pleasure can help you stay aroused. This approach may also reduce anxiety and self-monitoring.

Non-penetrative sex ideas include:

• Oral sex

• Exploring each other’s erogenous zones

• Erotic or playful verbal communication 

• Role play

• Listening to a sexy podcast or audio erotica

• A sensual massage

These kinds of experiences can also work as foreplay by helping build anticipation and arousal. And if an erection does show up? Awesome. But try not to make it the goal of the experience. 

5. See a sex therapist

When it comes to ED, seeking support via therapy early can be a proactive step to setting your new relationship up for success. In fact, research shows that seeking professional help earlier, before stress or resentment has a chance to pile up, may make it easier to address concerns before they escalate.

Working with a sex therapist can help with: 

• Identifying barriers impeding your sexual performance, such as anxiety, shame, or unhelpful thought patterns,

• Devising tools and techniques to replace those patterns with healthier ones

Emerging research suggests that cognitive behavioral sex therapy (CBST) can be an effective treatment for younger men with psychological ED. It can be particularly helpful for reducing anxiety and improving erectile function — sometimes with results comparable to medication.

While sex therapy can be done one-on-one, some people choose to invite their partners, which can be a power move. Just putting that out there… 

6. Pay attention to your routines and habits

Late nights, skipped meals, less gym time — being in the throes of a new relationship can really shake up your routine. But sleep, nutrition, and exercise play important roles in erectile function. 

If you’re dealing with erectile dysfunction in a new relationship (or any relationship for that matter), try:   

• Cutting back on processed foods. Research suggests that diets higher in whole foods, such as fruits, vegetables, legumes, and fish, are associated with a lower risk of ED, while higher intake of red or processed meat and trans fats is linked to a higher risk. 

• Getting ample, high-quality sleep each night. Poor sleep and short sleep duration have been linked to worse erectile function. Aim to get 7–9 hours of sleep each night as part of your efforts to improve ED.

• Incorporating aerobic exercise into your routine. According to a meta-analysis, regular aerobic exercise (e.g. swimming, running) can improve erectile function. Working out can boost blood flow, lower stress levels, and improve your self-confidence — all of which can support a healthy sex drive.

7. Limit alcohol

Dating and drinking sometimes go hand in hand for a lot of people. But too many craft cocktails or pints of beer may work against you when transitioning from the bar to the bedroom. This is partly because alcohol is a depressant; it slows down the brain and nervous system, which can make it harder for the body to respond sexually.

That doesn’t mean you have to avoid alcohol altogether, though. Some research shows the relationship between ED and alcohol is dose-dependent. While light to moderate drinking may not impair erectile function that much, heavier drinking can make it harder to get and maintain an erection. When in doubt, slow down the booze and see if it makes a difference in the bedroom.

8. Consider ED medication

For many men, taking an ED medication like Viagra (sildenafil) or Cialis (tadalafil) can make erections more reliable by improving blood flow to the penis when you’re aroused. 

In a new relationship, when nerves and performance anxiety are all too common, having the added support of a medication can help relieve pressure so you can be more present in the moment. That is, of course, as long as it’s deemed appropriate and prescribed by a licensed healthcare provider. 

Lots of individuals take ED medications, so there’s no shame in needing them. But if you’re looking for something more discreet, especially if you’re heading out for a date, you might prefer an option that’s easier to carry around and take without drawing attention. You can also take them earlier in the day to be ready when the moment calls. 

Some formulations, like Ro’s Daily Rise Gummies or dissolvable Ro Sparks, contain the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis. Their active ingredients are individually approved by the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for ED, but the specific formulations themselves are not.

ED in a new relationship is typically related to anxiety about sexual performance and self-consciousness. Having difficulty getting hard with a new partner doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Performance anxiety can disrupt the brain’s ability to send and sustain the signals needed for an erection. 

Research suggests that when worry and intrusive thoughts take over during sex, it can pull your attention away from sexual stimuli. As a result, this can disrupt the automatic processes that support erectile function. 

And men aren’t the only ones who feel the pressure. One study found that sexual performance anxiety impacts 9%–25% of men and 6%–16% of women. In men, this anxiety can lead to premature ejaculation and ED, and in women, it can severely inhibit sexual desire.   

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If you’re dealing with erectile dysfunction in a new relationship, we hope you realize that it’s more common than you think and there are things you can do about it. Here’s a quick recap:

• Dealing with erectile dysfunction in a new relationship is common and doesn’t reflect your attraction to your partner. High expectations, nerves, and new relationship dynamics can all play a role.

• Performance anxiety can interrupt the signals your body relies on to maintain an erection. When worry takes over, sexual responses can become less automatic, even if you’re sexually aroused.

• Talking about ED can be reassuring for both partners. Letting yourself get vulnerable can ease misunderstandings and strengthen your connection.

• Supporting mental and physical health matters. Quality sleep, stress management, and exercise can all influence erectile function.

• Professional support is available. Medication and therapy can be effective tools in improving ED, especially when used early. Speak to a licensed healthcare provider for more information.

With the right support, ED doesn’t have to define your relationship or become your new normal. You can get back to worrying about where to plan your next date instead of what might happen afterward.