How to get turned on fast: 18 tips that help

18 ways to get in the mood for sex

We’ve put together a research-backed list for how to get in the mood for sex. It’s not exhaustive, but it includes strategies that most people find helpful when desire feels hard to access.

1. Start with mental arousal before physical touch

Your brain is your most powerful sex organ. Before you even think about physical touch, give your mind a chance to warm up. Read something that turns you on, revisit a memory that still makes your heart flutter, or watch something that puts you in the right headspace.

When your brain shifts into a sexual mode, your body usually follows. Scientifically, arousal begins in regions of the brain that processes emotions and desires.

This then sends signals through your nervous system to trigger physical changes such as increased blood flow.

2. Set the scene and eliminate distractions

Your environment matters more than you might think. A messy room, harsh lighting, or your phone buzzing with notifications can all kill arousal before it starts.

Consider what actually makes you feel relaxed and sensual. Maybe it's dimming the lights, playing music, putting your phone on silent, or just making sure the door is locked.

You don't need to create an elaborate romantic setup. Sometimes it's as simple as tidying up your space or lighting a candle.

3. Communicate what turns you on

Saying what you like, what you’re unsure about, or what you want more of can feel vulnerable, but that honesty is often what makes sex feel genuinely satisfying instead of awkward or full of guessing.

Research shows that people who communicate openly about their sexual likes and concerns tend to report higher desire, stronger arousal, and more frequent orgasms.

You don’t have to say too much. A simple “slower,” “that feels good,” or “try a little more of that” is enough. And ask your partner what they enjoy, too. When both people feel heard and appreciated, desire tends to show up a lot more naturally.

4. Focus on foreplay (for longer than you think)

If you’re figuring out how to get in the mood for sex, a lot of people rush into it. This approach may not work because, for most people, arousal builds step by step, and foreplay is what gives your body the time it needs to catch up.

That means the kissing, touching, teasing, and back-and-forth isn’t “extra.” It’s the part that helps you get in the mood. Research backs this up: couples who consistently engaged in foreplay reported stronger desire, better arousal, and higher sexual satisfaction overall.

Take your time with each other. Give your body enough space to warm up without feeling rushed or forced into getting something over with. Making the moment last can help make it sweeter.

5. Try something new together

Novelty triggers dopamine release in your brain, the same chemical involved in pleasure and reward. Trying new positions, exploring different locations, introducing toys, or experimenting with role play can all reignite arousal that's gotten predictable.

You don't need to overhaul everything. Sometimes changing the time of day you have sex or wearing some spicy lingerie can set the mood to make the experience feel new.

6. Address stress and anxiety first

Stress can actually change how your brain functions. Chronic stress raises cortisol and inflammation. When you aren’t in the mood and your mind is overloaded, it can be harder to get into a headspace for sex.

Stress can also play a role in conditions like ED. If you’re overwhelmed, give yourself a moment to reset before expecting your body to respond. A quick walk, some time off, and therapy can help your system calm down.

You can't force yourself to relax and feel aroused while your nervous system is on high alert.

7. Schedule sex (yes, really)

Scheduled sex sounds unsexy, but it actually works. When you know sex is on the calendar, anticipation builds throughout the day. You might catch yourself thinking about what you want to try or feeling excited about connecting with your partner later.

Scheduling sex also removes the pressure of waiting for spontaneous desire to appear. It acknowledges that responsive desire is normal and gives both of you time to mentally prepare.

And when people are trying to conceive, timing often matters more than spontaneity. Fertility research shows conception is most likely during a specific “fertile window,” which is why many couples schedule sex around ovulation.

8. Take a shower or bath together

Warm water creates a sensual environment that allows for a relaxed experience without the pressure to perform. There's something inherently intimate about washing each other's bodies; it can feel arousing while still being low-stakes.

This works particularly well when you're not sure if you're in the mood. The shower provides a transitional space where you have the time and opportunity to get turned on at your own pace. And if it doesn't happen, at least you're both clean.

9. Watch or read something sexy together

Sharing erotic content can help both partners shift into a more sexual mindset, and research suggests it may even strengthen the relationship.

Couples who watch porn together tend to report higher sexual and relationship satisfaction compared to couples who don’t. That said, this works only when both partners are comfortable.

If your tastes don’t match, or one person prefers not to use erotic content, it’s worth talking about it gently rather than making assumptions.

It may feel awkward at first, but being open about what you like (and what you don’t) can make the whole thing easier. Shared content doesn’t have to be visually explicit, either. Erotica, audio stories, or even a suggestive movie can serve a similar purpose.

10. Focus on non-sexual touch first

Not all touch needs to be explicitly sexual to build arousal. A massage, cuddling on the couch, holding hands, or gentle caressing all create physical connection and intimacy.

This kind of touch helps your body relax and can gradually build toward more sexual contact. Starting here also removes pressure. There should be no expectation that it must lead to sex, which ironically can make arousal more likely.

11. Exercise together

Moving your body (whether it’s a walk, a bike ride, or a real workout) can nudge your system into a more responsive, energized state.

Research shows that regular aerobic exercise can improve erectile function and may even support sexual arousal and satisfaction in people with a vagina, especially through better cardiovascular health and body confidence.

You don’t need anything intense to feel the difference. Even gentle movement with your partner can help you shake off stress and shift into a mindset where arousal feels more accessible. And for some couples, just seeing each other move, sweat, or laugh together is its own kind of spark.

12. Check your medications

Some medications can make it harder to get in the mood for sex, and it’s more common than some people realize.

Research has found that antidepressants (especially SSRIs), blood pressure medications, oral contraceptives, anti-androgens, and several other drug classes were among the most frequently reported causes of sexual side effects.

If your sex drive or arousal changed after starting a medication, it’s worth flagging it. A healthcare provider can talk through options, adjust dosing, or suggest alternatives that treat your condition without disrupting your sexual functioning. Make sure not to make changes to your medication regimen without discussing with your healthcare provider first.

13. Get your hormones checked

Hormones play a role in sexual function and desire. Research shows that certain imbalances in the thyroid, pituitary, or sex hormones can affect interest in sex and arousal.

If your desire has noticeably shifted for a period of six months, or you’re dealing with other changes like low energy and mood shifts, it’s worth discussing it with a healthcare provider. A simple evaluation can help identify whether a hormonal issue is playing a role.

14. Use a lubricant

When sex feels dry or uncomfortable, it’s much harder for your body to relax into arousal. Lubricants can make touch smoother, reduce pain, and increase pleasure for people of any gender.

They’re especially helpful for vaginal dryness, pain during penetration, or anal sex.

Research shows that lube can improve sexual comfort, pleasure, and overall wellbeing, and it’s also recommended to use good-quality lubricant with condoms to help prevent breakage.

The key is choosing a good-quality product, since substandard lubes can irritate the skin. When everything feels better physically, arousal has a much easier time catching up.

If your natural lubrication has decreased due to age, menopause, or hormonal changes, using a lubricant can help jumpstart the arousal process by mimicking what your body would normally do.

15. Try edging or delayed gratification

Edging means building arousal close to orgasm and then backing off, repeating this pattern several times. This can intensify pleasure and help you become more attuned to how your arousal works. It transforms sex from a race to the finish into an exploration of how arousal builds and changes.

This strategy takes patience and communication, especially with a partner, but it can help make sex more satisfying.

16. Change your environment

Sometimes, a change of scenery can reignite arousal. This doesn't mean booking an expensive hotel (though that can't hurt). It could be as simple as having sex in a different room or rearranging your bedroom furniture.

Always having sex in the same place at the same time can make things predictable. Breaking that pattern helps your brain shift out of autopilot.

17. See if cutting down on alcohol and cannabis helps

Alcohol can help you unwind, but too much can interfere with sexual function, especially when it comes to getting or keeping an erection. The relaxing effect only goes so far before it starts working against your body.

Cannabis has a mixed profile, too. In one survey, many people said it helped them relax, feel more sensitive to touch, and enjoy sex more, while others said it made them sleepy, distracted, or didn’t improve anything at all.

With both substances, the key is moderation and paying attention to how your body responds. A little might help you feel more present; too much can easily dull the experience. If you think your alcohol or cannabis use might be dulling your sexual experience, think about cutting down on use to see if it helps with arousal.

18. Prioritize sleep

Chronic sleep loss can disrupt the body’s arousal pathways and, in animal studies, even damage the tissues involved in erections. For people with a vagina, studies find that getting more sleep is tied to stronger next-day sexual desire and a higher likelihood of wanting partnered sex.

You don’t need perfect sleep to have a healthy sex life. But if your sleep has been off for a while, giving your body more rest can make sexual arousal feel steadier and more reliable. A rested mind is simply better at tuning into pleasure.

Remember, if something on this list doesn’t fit your situation, that’s okay. Arousal is personal, and you should only do what works best for you.

How arousal works

Getting turned on isn't like flipping a light switch. It involves your mind and body working together. The process starts in areas of the brain, including your limbic system, which handles emotions, memories, and sexual desire.

Your brain then signals your body to respond with increased blood flow to your genitals, heightened sensitivity, and other physical changes.

Here's what most people don't realize: arousal usually doesn't only happen spontaneously. It can also build gradually through what researchers call responsive desire.

You might not feel turned on at first, but as you start engaging in forms of intimacy, arousal follows. This is just as healthy and normal as spontaneous desire. Actually, it's more common.

How arousal is different for men vs. women

People often assume men and women experience desire and arousal in completely different ways. The research arousal between sexes is more nuanced.

Here’s what studies actually suggest:

Day-to-day desire is similar for men and women. Both respond to things like mood, stress, and relationship closeness, and most of those patterns overlap.

Over long periods of time, women’s desire fluctuates more, while men’s tends to stay steadier, but this often shows up at different degrees over years, not days.

Men often respond strongly to visual sexual cues like erotic films, especially when the content matches the type of partner they find attractive.

Research shows that men’s physical and mental arousal tend to match up more closely, while women’s physical and mental states don’t always line up.

People with more open, egalitarian views about sex show better alignment between how turned on they feel and how their body responds, regardless of gender.

The takeaway isn’t that men and women are opposites. It’s that arousal is shaped by a mix of many factors, and some differences in sexual arousal can exist within genders just as much as between them.

When arousal problems signal erectile dysfunction

Not feeling turned on sometimes is normal. But when you want sex, and your body consistently can’t get or keep an erection, that’s often a sign of erectile dysfunction (ED).

Of people who have a penis, roughly half between 40 and 70 experience some degree of ED. Many more are likely to go uncounted because people rarely discuss it, and many clinicians don’t ask.

ED is more likely to show up with age, health conditions like diabetes or heart disease, or certain medications. What makes it different from low desire is the mismatch: your interest in sex is there, but the physical response isn’t. If this sounds familiar, it’s a good idea to get checked.

A healthcare provider will usually start by asking simple questions about how firm your erections are, whether morning erections still happen, whether the issue started suddenly or gradually, and how things compare during masturbation vs. partnered sex.

They may also look at medications, lifestyle factors, and any stress or relationship issues that might play a role. A physical exam is common, too, mostly to rule out things like hormonal changes, circulation problems, or conditions affecting the nerves or blood vessels.

Getting answers is often the first step toward feeling more confident and connected again.

How ED medications can help arousal and performance

ED medications work by increasing blood flow to the penis. Some of these drugs are called PDE5 inhibitors. These medications don't create arousal or desire themselves, but they help your body respond when you’re mentally aroused.

Some people get sexual side effects from antidepressants, and medications like sildenafil can help. Studies show that sildenafil can improve desire, arousal, orgasm, and overall sexual satisfaction for people taking SSRIs.

Ro's ED treatment options

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Cialis (tadalafil) can stay active in your system for up to 36 hours, allowing for more spontaneity. If you prefer daily treatment, Daily Rise Gummies* contain 7 mg of tadalafil in an easy gummy form.

Taking tadalafil daily maintains steady medication levels, so you're always ready for sex without planning ahead.

Ro Sparks* takes a unique approach by combining sildenafil (55 mg) and tadalafil (22 mg) in one tablet that dissolves under your tongue. This formulation can start working in about 15 minutes and last up to 36 hours, providing both quick action and long-lasting effects.

The decision to use ED medication should be made with a healthcare provider, who can help determine if it's appropriate for your situation and health status.

* Though this particular formulation is not US Food and Drug Administration (FDA)-approved, it is composed of active ingredients that have been individually FDA-approved for ED.

When low arousal might be a medical issue

Low arousal once in a while is normal, but a persistent drop in desire can sometimes signal something more serious. If you’re figuring out how to get aroused and can’t find answers, here’s what studies point to:

Low desire can show up on its own, but it often appears with other sexual concerns like difficulty with erections, orgasm, or ejaculation.

Sometimes low desire is “secondary,” meaning it’s driven by medical issues such as hormone changes such as dysregulated thyroid or prolactin levels, or mental-health conditions. In these cases, treating the underlying condition is often what helps desire return.

When low desire appears without any medical cause (“primary” low libido), it’s more common in people who are otherwise physically healthy but dealing with stress in their home or relationship.

Hormones like estrogen and androgens (including testosterone) can influence sexual desire, but experts don’t have established “normal” ranges for every hormone, so diagnosis can be challenging.

New or worsening erectile concerns can be an early sign of cardiovascular problems, so having a provider do a cardiovascular check can help identify underlying health issues.

If arousal difficulties are paired with symptoms such as painful erections, painful ejaculation, or ongoing problems achieving or maintaining an erection, a medical evaluation is important. ED can also be a sign of other issues such as an enlarged prostate or pelvic muscle dysfunction. .

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