Relationship weight gain: why it happens and 6 ways to lose it

From date nights to inside jokes, there’s a lot to love about falling in love. There is one thing, however, that’s a bit less charming about it: relationship weight gain. 

If you’ve ever felt like you gain weight when you’re in a relationship, hopefully you feel validated. Not only is this so-called “happy weight” a real thing, but it’s quite common. Read on as we explore the phenomenon of relationship weight gain, and offer tips for you (and your boo) to lose your happy weight.

“Happy weight” describes the weight people gain when they’re in long-term relationships.

Studies show that people tend to gain weight when they transition from dating to living together and getting married. Partners often adopt one another’s habits and routines. In fact, if your spouse develops obesity, your risk of developing obesity increases by 37%, according to one study.  

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People gain weight in relationships for a variety of reasons, from feeling less motivated to stay in “single shape” to spending more time cuddling on the couch. Here’s a closer look at the potential reasons for relationship weight gain:

• Dates often revolve around eating out. From candlelit dinners to pizza parlors, restaurants often serve as home base for date night. And with eating out typically comes larger portions, higher-calorie meals, and cocktails — all things that can contribute to weight gain.

• You may be drinking more alcohol. Dating and drinking sometimes go together, whether you’re using alcohol to loosen up before a date or celebrating an anniversary. In general, we tend to eat more when we’re drinking. And some forms of alcohol, like beer, are already calorie-dense on their own. 

• Relationships change your schedule. When you’re single, you have all the time in the world to work out, meal prep, and, frankly, do whatever you want to do. When you start seriously dating, you tend to spend more of your time seeing that person, which may mean you have less time to spend on activities that help you maintain a lower body weight.

• You tend to mirror each other’s habits. As your relationship progresses, you might find yourself sharing each other’s habits. And some of these may be more conducive to weight gain, such as watching TV, playing video games, or snacking late at night.

• You spend more time being sedentary together. Along the same lines, you may spend more lazy mornings in bed than you used to when your main cuddle partner was your dog. Even outside of home, dating can involve more sedentary activities, such as going to restaurants and the movie theater. 

• You’re less motivated to attract a partner with your looks. Multiple studies have confirmed the “mating market model.” This is when people who are no longer “on the market” feel more secure and are less concerned about being hot, to put it bluntly. One study even found that the happier you are in your relationship, the more likely you are to gain weight. (Meanwhile, people who exit a marriage tend to lose weight.)

Even when weight gain stems from a happy place, it’s normal to feel frustrated by it. Here are six ways to avoid gaining weight in a relationship:

• Reflect and set weight loss goals

• Upgrade your diet

• Practice mindful eating

• Cook more at home

• Work on your fitness

• Consider weight loss medication

1. Reflect and set weight loss goals

If you’ve gained some happy weight, take a moment to reflect on how that may have happened. Have any of your eating habits changed? What about your exercise routine?

Maybe you’ve been snacking more while you binge watch each other’s favorite TV shows. Or perhaps you’ve swapped your Saturday morning gym session for brunch with another couple. 

Once you have a better idea of the changes that have led to relationship weight gain, it’s time to make a plan. Research shows that people who set goals lose more weight, and the more specific the goal, the better. 

So, instead of “lose weight” or “eat less,” you might set weight loss goals such as:

• Snack on fruits or veggies instead of chips or candy.

• Join a new fitness class and go once a week.

• Have one less cocktail when you go out for date night.

Make it a date: Schedule a weekly check-in during which you celebrate the mini-goals you met that week (like going to that new fitness class). Facing certain challenges? Talk about where you may be struggling and could use some support. Having partner support can be hugely motivating for weight loss.

2. Upgrade your diet

What you eat, and how much, can make a big difference in how much weight you gain both in and out of a relationship. While eating less can help, it’s also important to eat better if you want to lose weight. 

Try these strategies:

• Eat fewer processed foods, such as breads, pastries, and lunch meats. Processed foods are consistently linked with weight gain. Snacks alone make up about 25% of the average American’s daily calorie intake.

• Eat more protein and fiber. Instead of processed foods, fill up on fruits, veggies, and lean proteins like chicken, fish, and nuts. Increasing your protein and fiber intake promotes satiety and weight loss. Each day, aim for five servings of fruits and vegetables, and at least 0.5 grams of protein per pound of body weight (though higher protein targets can be even more beneficial for weight loss).

• Replace caloric beverages, such as juice, soda, and cocktails, with water. Studies have found that this change alone can lead to significant weight loss.

Make it a date: Challenge yourselves to make your meals more colorful. Studies show people tend to make healthier food choices when they do this, plus they rate their meals as more pleasant. Five stars!

3. Practice mindful eating

When you’re dating, there are plenty of moments to celebrate over dinner and dessert. Plus, with all the flirting and falling in love, it’s easy to get distracted and eat more than usual. 

To combat relationship weight gain, try to practice mindful eating:

• Slow down when you eat

• Put down your fork or spoon in between bites

• Take a moment to notice how the food tastes and feels in your mouth

• Stop once you feel full

Make it a date: A core tenet of mindful eating is eating without distractions, such as your phone, computer, or TV. If you’ve fallen into a habit of scrolling Instagram during dinner, put down the phone and talk to each other instead. If you have nothing to say, you can always gaze into each other’s eyes!

4. Cook more at home

Instead of eating out, cook your meals at home. Eating more home-cooked meals is associated with healthier food choices, smaller portions, and lower costs — a win for your wallet and your waistline.

Make it a date: Browse your local farmers market for fresh ingredients and have a date night at home. Not so confident with your cooking skills? Take a cooking class together. 

5. Work on your fitness

Increasing your physical activity can boost metabolism, support weight loss, and be a nice way to connect with your partner. Research shows that when couples work out together, they tend to enjoy the workout more and feel more satisfied with their relationship.

When exercising for weight loss, experts recommend aiming for 60 minutes a day. The best results seem to come from a mix of aerobic and resistance exercise, with three days per week dedicated to strength training exercises like weight lifting or pilates.

Make it a date: Carpool to the gym, or hire a personal trainer who offers couple’s sessions. You might even consider trying a new type of workout together, such as bike riding, yoga, or rock climbing. As a bonus, doing new activities builds excitement and increases security in relationships.

6. Consider weight loss medication

Finally, if you’ve made changes and you’re still struggling to lose weight, talk with a healthcare provider, which you can do through Ro. 

GLP-1 medications like Wegovy (semaglutide) and Zepbound (tirzepatide, which is technically a dual GLP-1/GIP) can lead to significant weight loss for people with obesity or overweight. Studies have shown those with obesity or overweight have lost up to 18% of their body weight in one year (though individual results can vary). 

Relationship weight gain is common, often resulting from the lifestyle shifts and increased security that come with a long-term partnership. While these changes often come from a happy place, you can still successfully lose weight in a relationship by setting specific goals and making intentional choices together.

• Happy weight describes the weight individuals often gain when transitioning from being single to being in a long-term relationship, living together, or getting married.

• Couples gain weight for a variety of reasons, from falling into sedentary routines to dining out more and mirroring each other's snacking and drinking habits.

• To lose relationship weight, focus on cooking healthy meals at home, practicing mindful eating without distractions, replacing highly caloric drinks with water, and incorporating 60 minutes of daily physical activity.